Retribution X: Celebrations and Prank's
by Anything but ordinary3
Summary: Ash has returned and so Retribution X celebrate, causing mayhem among the mansions occupant's in their drunken state. Join them as they pull prank's on Scott, Jean, Wolverine, Remy and others!
1. Hover Chair races!

**I don't own any of the marvel characters but the retribution x gal's re mine (excluding Jubilee)!!**

_Thank's go to NCSGirl who's lovely review's keep me motivated and also to Oracle's Maiden and Red haired She devil for your constant support and ideas!!_

Okay this is my 7th Retribution X fan fiction but you really don't have to have read the other's to understand this although it does help!

If you read it please review and let me know your feelings or I'll feel neglected and won't write anymore. Any ideas on how to improve let me know!

**Retribution X: Celebrations and Pranks!**

"Anyone would think that you were looking after a dangerous beast!" I said taking a sip of my Coffee as I got filled in with the gory details of the last few months

"How else would you describe Kat?" Hank pointed out

I sat back in my chair and couldn't help but giggle at the memory of Hanks expression when I walked through the door.

"God Ashley I'm so glad you're back!" He had exclaimed

"Anyone would think that I'd died and come back again with the look on your face!" I looked at his rather bedraggled, worried hell, almost frightened appearance "I take it you all missed me!"

"You could say that" He said approaching me before hesitating "Are you still electrified?"

"Nah I got that sorted out" I said setting down my bag

"Well in that case…" Hank said hugging me tightly. 

Now everyone knows how I hate hugs, hell, I never even hug my mum so I was a little shocked but the man was like a walking teddy bear which made the ordeal less traumatic.

I blushed when the fuzz ball finally released me.

"So where is everyone?" I asked looking around

"They're all on a mission, except Kat who's gone walkies with Bobby" Hank explained "Do you fancy a drink?" He had asked and that was how we had ended up talking over all the events I had missed while I was away.

"Well I'll go up and unpack then" I said once I'd finished my drink Hank nodded still glancing occasionally towards the door. "Oh and don't tell them I'm back that way it'll be a surprise" 

"Sure thing! In fact I my make a tactful exit and find a safe place to hide until Jean cools down!" Hank said bounding to the door.

"See ya Hank!" I called after him before making my way up to my room.

I hesitated feeling stupidly nervous before opening the door. I pushed open my door and to my surprise it looked like it had when I'd left it complete with odd sock in the corner of the room. My C.Ds had been messed with but they hadn't been used as coasters this time which was a relief. To celebrate my return home I grabbed my Queen C.D. and put it in the machine cranking up the volume loader then usual for me and there was a small newspaper nest glued together with spit in the corner where Kat had obviously been residing during my stay in England.  I opened my window and propped my door open and I was back in business. I then began throwing all of the crumpled clothes out of my bags onto the floor and in weird piles in my drawers…well that is until I came across my holy grail…sorry Liverpool F.C foot ball shirt which I lifted out of my bag as if it was the most precious thing in the world. I sighed happily.

"Kat how many time's have I got to tell you that is not and never will be GLORIA GAYNOR!!" Came Evelyn's voice as she marched along the hallway to my room, where she stopped dead in her tracks.

I just stood blinking at her.

"You're home then!" She said over the sound of _Killer Queen._

"It would appear so!" I said turning down the volume slightly

"Thank god!!" She exploded "Kat and Pyro had a little meeting the other day!" 

"I know Hank told me" I grinned at the image of Kat playing aeroplanes with Bobby Drake.

I indicated for her to sit on my bed 

"Are you feeling better then?" She asked apprehensively

"Yes much better, it's surprising how much I missed ol' England and my mum!" 

"In that order!" She grinned

"Maybe" I grinned back "So how was you're mission?" I asked

"No problem really it was just a FOH meeting cum riot" Evelyn definitely smelt far from savoury as none of us did after a mission, all sweaty (and if it was FOH we were dealing with Smokey coz they always had bonfires but Sabretooth stank the most). "The others will be up in a minute Mel had to go fetch Kat down from the tree where she had been throwing nuts down at the Professor with Bobby but had then got stuck, Jube's is having her post mission snack and Wolverine is…well he's about!"

"It's nice to know that not much has changed" I grinned thinking of the pranks Ev and Jube's had played on Scott and Remy, if what Hank had said was to believed that is.

"Your home thank god!!" Kat said running to me and attaching herself to me neck before whispering in my ear "Scary baldy shouted at me all because I threw some nuts at him now he wont leave my head!"

"ASH!!" Mel screamed in unison with Jubilee before continuing solo "God! Thank god I won't have to be leader any more!" Then danced wildly along with my music

"Is she okay?" I asked Ev out of the corner of my mouth the only response I got was a shrug.

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!! GET OUT!!" Kat was screaming as she bashed her head against the wall.

"So tell us all about your break!" Jube's said over the top of Kats yelling. 

I sniffed the air. Yuck! Those girls still hadn't showered that was unusual that was one of the first thing's they usually did. I approached the stairs and listened I could vaguely make out a rabble of voices over music that I hadn't heard in a while. I walked up the stairs slowly, suspiciously even, I didn't know what to expect. But the door that had been closed for so long was open and hell the god awful smell of sweaty and Smokey teenage girls was wafting from it. I peered around the corner to see Kat bashing her head against the wall, and a group of girls chatting excitedly around. They didn't notice m stood at the door so I watched them for a while.

She had changed a lot, she seemed really happy, that electric current that had been flowing through her body seemed to have disappeared, and she seemed truly confident now like she had never been even before her attack. I felt strange, almost warm inside…I'd felt this feeling before…hell, I felt happy! The team, MY team was all back together and everyone seemed happy, content even.

"Ummm…No offence gal's, as much as I like seeing ya again I think it's time to hit the showers coz your all mingin'" Ash said pinching her nose.

I grinned; yep everything was right with the world.

**Still in my bedroom (Which stunk of sweaty Retribution X)**

"Once you've all finished I think we should celebrate!!" I called after them after they all ran from my room

"Nice ta know ya never change!" Came a growl from the door

"Hey!" I smiled at the short and hairy man (who was still taller then me!)

"You okay now?" He asked

"I think so" I tried to said positively trying to forget the nightmares that still woke me up at night 

"You back for good now?" He asked leaning on the door frame

"Yep! You'll find it damn hard to get rid of me now!" I said turning my music down a bit.

"Does the Professor know your back yet?" He asked

"No, I've only been back a few hours but I've seen Hank though who looked like a demented pigeon all freaked out by Kat and Bobby"

"Well I'll see y round Sparky!" He said strutting off before pausing and turning around "An' seeing as you're all out celebrating tonight you can all have tomorrow off" 

"Awww…See you do have a heart after all just when everyone had me convinced you had turned into an ogre!!" I cooed 

He cocked his eyebrow

"Two words!" I grinned "Care and Bears!" 

**After being summoned by Professor X**

I felt like I was about to be court marshalled, death by optic blast's or a bald man in a wheel-chair messing with my head. That would make an interesting eulogy I thought grimly as I made my way through the X Men's side of the mansion carefully putting up mental barriers as I went.

"You're back then!" Came a sickly voice behind me as if she didn't already know from her riveting mental conversations with Prof X. I wonder if she had them while she was having sex with Scott, it would make the whole ordeal more interesting I thought.

"Looks like it" I replied looking up at the taller woman "So what been happening in the Bra…er…Summers household"

"Well, I think that I'll have to go on a diet because I'm starting to look flabby" The red head said enthusiastically

I looked at her perfect body knowing exactly what response she was fishing for "No of course not!" I replied sweetly

"Really you think so" She said cheerily

Unluckily for her I wasn't going to give her the answer she wanted to "Of course, diets got nothing to do with it, its inevitable at your age that things will begin to head south" I replied leaving her with her mouth agape. 

That must have been new for Jean, you know, not to be complimented.

Knock Knock

"Enter!" 

I opened the door cautiously.

"Come and take a seat." The Professor said waving at the chair on the other side of his desk. 

I sat down on the offered chair and looked at him directly in his eyes careful to keep my mind blank so he couldn't read it.

"You have been away a long time; we've had no word at all from you except a little post card commenting on the weather…" He paused determined to drag out the torture "…and you expect to just get your place back in the team"

I glowered at him "Wolverine leaves all the time and he always gets welcomed back!!"

"Yes but we expect that of one with Logan's loner tendencies, but not the leader of the future!" He continued evenly

"I'm sorry but I needed to get my head together, I was no use to the team as I was" I was determined not to get drawn into an argument with him

"What makes you think you're better now?" He asked pressing his fingertips together

"I just know I am, for one I'm not electrocuting everyone I touch anymore" I pointed out

"But what about next time everything gets o top of you will you just get up and leave again?"

"Those were exceptional circumstances!" I ground my teeth together trying to control my temper

"I have also noticed you have developed some sort of mental barrier to stop either Jean or myself entering your mind. Is there a reason behind this?"

"I just don't like the idea of you all poking around my head Willy Nilly is all" I defended myself

The bald man smiled "Well while you remain with us will you please keep Kat under control?"

"I'll try" Well that was easier then I thought as I spied Kat skipping along the hedge outside the professor's window setting fire to it as she did so. I got up to leave

"Welcome back Ashley"

"Thanks Professor" I said as I rushed out of his study.

**Retribution X's Wing (or Celebration central)**

"More Vodka?" Jubes asked lunging the bottle at me

"I don't mind if I do!" I said primly

"I'm bored!" Kat said before hiccupping

"I've got an idea!" Jubilee announced proudly

"Does anyone have the feeling of Déjà vu?" Ev asked

**Outside the Mansion**

"These new and improved models equal more fun for Retribution X!" Mel giggled as I slumped into Professor Xavier's new _hover _wheelchair.

"I like his choice of colour!" Jubilee approved of the bright yellow 

"Let's have a race!" Kat exclaimed as if this hadn't been the intention all along

"Okay Mel and Ev against Me and Kat with Jubes…er…surfing" I said proud of my ingenious plan

"Surfing?!"

God did I have to explain everything "She stands on the 'bonnet' of one of the hover chairs and….and this is the genius bit….pretends to be surfing whilst…" I gave way to demonic laughter for a minute "…singing the Beach boy's 'Surfing U.S.A."

Everyone exchanged glances

"Hey I ain't that drunk!" I cried indignantly

**5 Minutes later**

We had finally squeezed into the hover chairs.

"Oh buttons!" Kat exclaimed as she rapidly punched all the buttons on the control section of the chair promptly sending us spinning round and causing Jubilee to fall off.

"Aww…no fair they get a head start!" I heard Ev cry as we whizzed this way and that before stopping violently. 

However Kat soon had us whizzing around in jerky circles again. I knew I should have sat by the controls!

**10 minutes later**

"I'm wet!" Kat moaned

"So am I!! No thanks to you couldn't you have avoided the lake!" I shivered

"I couldn't see it!"

"Oh yeah because it's so easy not to see it, it's only twice the size of the mansion" I growled "Let's hope Ev and Mel keep their chair in one piece of Prof X will fry your little brain and eat it for dinner!"

Kat clutched her head in both hands 

"Umm gals we have a problem" I turned to see Evelyn looking worriedly up to the tree

"How in the name of Satan and all his little goblins did you get that up there?" I asked looking up at the Hover chair (with Mel still in it) in the tree top.

Evelyn Shrugged "It just kinda happened!" 

"I feel sick!" Mel moaned from the top of the tree

"How are we gonna get her down!" Why do I never learn that alcohol and these girls just don't mix!

"I no we prod her down!"  
"Very good Kat but there's just one problem to this otherwise infallible plan" I said looking up at Mel. "How do we get up there to prod her?"

"Okay so that's a no go" Ev helpfully underlined for us

"Umm…we could burn the tree" 

"Again Kat there's just one problem…" I looked at her "….your forgetting that we'd probably be eating barbeque Mel for weeks to dispose of the evidence"

"Again a no go" Ev put in

"We could shake her down!" I suggested

**5 minutes later**

Okay shaking a tree that was probably like a gazillion years old didn't actually help, however Mel had come down of her own accord after the promise of cat food. 

"Someone will pay for this!" I promised shaking my fist at the air.

"Like who?" Jube's asked 

"Bloody Jean Grey" I stated matter of factly

"What did Jean do?" Mel asked

"I don't know" I said exasperated did I have to know the answer to everything?

"So how is it her fault?"

I spoke slowly as if to children "I T   J U S T   I S!"

_How do the girl's do to get back at the Summers and who else will fall prey to their drunken insanity check out the next chapter!!!_


	2. Water museum

**Every thing as read in chapter 1**

**In the Brady Bunches room**

"Mel you're on look out to check they don't come in." I looked around at the team minus Kat "Jubes have you got the glue?" I asked she nodded "Good! Let's go team!"

I grabbed the toilet roll and soaked it under the tap "This should stop it from draining!" I said triumphantly stuffing the tissue down and around the shower plug before turning the shower on.

Jubes then began liberally sealing the shower door with extra strong glue. 

I sat down on the bathroom floor "Now it's just a case of waiting!" I said sitting on the floor and reaching for the bottle of Baileys

"Ew!!" I squealed shaking my hand before running it under boiling water "Is that a used condom?!!"

**An hour later**

"I've got them!" Kat announced triumphantly entering the Summers shower room carrying a bucket which I peered into.

"Perfect!" I said before breaking into demonic laughter at my evil genius

"Can we get on with it?" Ev asked impatiently.

"Okay okay, hoist me up" Which Ev and Jubes promptly did "Kat pass me a fish!"

"Ooppsie dropped it!" 

"HURRY UP" 

I dumped the fish into the halfway full shower cubicle, then added some pond weed, other assorted fish and a lobster.

"Do you think the water will ever drain away?"

"The tissues will disintigrate eventually" I said with more confidence then I felt before swigging from my bottle of Bailey's

We then put up a sign reading '**The Summers water museum suitable for family vacations!'**

"Ohh what's this?"

"Kat that's a condom?"

"A what…oh EW!" She said flinging the condom into the shower whose water levels were rising rapidly.

Ev hastily added a not to the sign where it proclaimed suitable for family vacations.

"Lets get outta here!" Jubes screamed doing a superman pose.

"Just one thing before we go! Jubes lift the toilet seat up!" I instructed grabbing the clingfilm off of Kat and covering the toilet hole with it before putting the seat down on top of it. 

"They'll never notice!" I said running from the room.

**The outside parking bays**

"Ohhh look there's Wolvie's Jeep!" Jubilee proclaimed looking at the freshly washed vehicle 

Kat was playing in the background with the wild bird by taunting them with bird seed.

"I'm up for a bit of fun but to play with that's a death wish" Mel pointed out almost (I repeat _almost)_ soberly.

"I agree with Mel on this one" I said god I didn't want him chasing me on my first evening back at the mansion

"Arrghhh their attacking me!!" Kat said screaming as the wild birds of the district began pecking her head furiously. I would have laughed had she not been running towards us bringing the rabid birds with her.

"Throw some seed!" Mel shouted "THROW THE BLOODY SEED!" 

"Arrrggghh…." Kat screamed heading towards us.

Evelyn grabbed the box of bird seed and threw it around; unfortunately she threw it all over Wolverine jeep causing the birds to settle down peeking at the seed on his prized vehicle.

"Don't stare RUN!!" Jubes screamed and hell, who was I to argue.

**In the garage**

"Are you going out Mr. Summers?" Kat asked wrench in hand

"I'm considering the option of going for some more whipped cr….er supplies!" Scott answered in his best goody 3 shoes voice

"Well the bad news is that I couldn't fix your breaks… however…" She continued hastily seeing his shocked expression "…I did make your horn louder so it is pretty safe to drive now"

"My brakes weren't broken" Scott said casting a disturbed look at his beloved Mazda

"Oh well they are now" Kat began whistling as she exited the garage "Well have a nice drive"

**In the kitchen**

"Quick turn the light off" I whispered before throwing pots and pans on the fall

"HELP! HELP! I'VE FALLEN AND CAN'T GET UP!" Jubes cried

It wasn't long before we heard Wolverine run through the living room and it wasn't long after that when he bounced off the cling film covering the kitchen door, it didn't take Mel long to take the photo of Wolverine bouncing off of the fore mentioned cling film, however it took an even shorter time for Wolverine to slice a hole through the cling film with his claws.

"We always forget about the claws!" Ev said bashing her head with her hand before we all ran like headless chickens out of the door.

Unfortunately our escape took us past the outside parking bays and Wolverines jeep which was now cover in bird shit and the rabid birds.

"Oh my god Wolvie your cars being attacked by wild hummingbirds!" Jubilee said quickly averting all blame from ourselves.

However he didn't seem fooled he must have smelt us on his jeep because he began to run after us…needless to say we ran!

**Hiding outside Scott's classroom window.******

"I think we've lost him!"

"Oh looky Jeans teaching in Scott's classroom!!" Kat said in a voice filled with wonderment

"And what's your point?" I asked

Kat shrugged Ev and Jube's looked decidedly shifty however.

"Oh look their getting out Scott's handout folder!" Kat said nose pressed against glass

"Oh no!" Ev and Jubes screamed in unison.

We all peered in the window as Jean picked up Scott's folder and little snippets of paper like those cut from a magazine fell to the floor. Jean then began yelling as the class burst out laughing. Soon after a blushing Scott walked in and it appeared as if he was protesting about something but Jean wouldn't listen. I pointed to the window indicating to the kid closest to it to open it so we could hear better

"What's going on?" I whispered

"Mrs Summers-Grey has just found Mr Summers porn stash!" The kid whispered back

"Gulp"

"Ev, Jubes what's wrong?"

"Um in a moment of madness while you was away we…er…" Evelyn began paling

"What she trying to say is we cut up Wolvies porn mags and hid the picture in various locations around Scott's classroom!" Jubes said 

I looked at them proudly "That's my girls!"

"What?! You aren't mad?" Mel said surprised

"Of course not, welcome back to the dark side gals!"  I smiled

"_Scott I can not believe you would do this…."_

_"But Jean…."_

_Do not but Jean me mister I hide my porn in my classroom…"_

_"But it isn't mine…"_

_"Don't give me that… I can read your thought's and I know what you think about almost all the time…. The only small mercy is it isn't gay porn…" _ Jean was really mad her pretty face scrunched up making it look like a bag of smashed arseholes…or at least how I would imagine one to look.

At that moment Wolverine burst through the classroom door

"Has anyone seen Retribution X!" His voice bellowed over Jean and Scott before stooping down to pick up the tattered remains of his prized porn "What the hell's this doin' here bub?" He asked Scott menacingly

"That's exactly what I want to know!" Jean said hand on hip

"These were my bloody magazines you little shit!!" Wolverine spat at Scott

"But I didn't put them there" Came Scotts small voice, hell I almost felt sorry for the lil' fellow…emphasis on _almost_. 

"So who did do it then?" He shot back angrily

"I know, I know!!" Kat said hands raised in the air as she stood looking in the now open window

"Kat shut up!" I hissed

"So who was it then kid? Malta?" He growled at her 

"See Scott it so easy even Kat knows the answer!" Jean said triumphantly "YOU!"

"No it wasn't it was Ev and Jubes the day they nearly burnt the cupboard down!!" Kat helpfully provided

"RUN!!" I hissed to the others as Wolverine lunged at the window

**In Hank's Lab**

"Isn't it a bit early for you to have been drinking?" Hank asked

"No!?" 

"Oh okay you can hide here until it gets dark then you must again venture into the outside world" 

"Thanks Hank!" I said pulling the 4 bottles of various alcoholic beverages out of my trousers handing them round the group. You don't know how good it felt to have my trousers to myself again!!

"So what do we do now that Kat is in leagues with the devil?" Mel asked (Kat was now indeed in a strange twist of fate in the clutches of them she feared the most: _The good guys!!_)

"What d'ya think?" I asked but they looked at me blankly. "Pay back time!!" I rubbed my hands together savouring the evil genius of my plan.

**Under the cover of darkness**

"Did you get hold of Pyro?" I asked Jubes from our leafy hideout (it was the tree with the hover chair in it).

"Yep" 

"Good!" I laughed manically until I nearly fell off of my branch

"Arrrgghhh! It's a ghost!!" Jubes screamed as a figure of light approached us

"No Jube's that's just Gambit!" Mel soothed the twitching Jubes "Remember the night of the Care Bears!"

At the mention of that evening both Jubes and Ev began twitching so violently that we all got thrown from the tree. Oh we were so scary!

"So what do we do with her now?" Jean asked me 

"Sit her in a corner and hope for the best" I replied 

"I can flyyyy!" Kat screamed jumping off of a footstool. 

Okay so having a member of the opposite team informing for you was a great idea but in practice….well when you're newly found informant was Kat…things were let's say interesting!

I followed Jean to her and Cyclop's bedroom were she was going to apologise to him for her earlier outburst at him.

"Can I use your bog?" I asked watching Jean twitch at my crudity.

I walked in the bathroom, I knew that they'd been there I could smell 'em as soon as I walked into the room. The need for revenge was full with in me. I looked at the fish tank shower. Hell, who needed revenge I thought as a grin spread across my face.

We saw our target walk along the hallway close to Wolverines heels. We saw her jump from the footstool and that is when our plan of action took place.

We threw the microphone on the floor at Kat's feet, as planned it caught her attention. We pulled it forward every time she bent down to pick it up, and every time we did so she followed.

She followed blindly through the shallow part of the lake, the danger room (which was on) and even through the room were Remy was watching German porn (he was still glowing) for over an hour, before we got tired and led her to the room where Pyro was waiting with a silver lighter held in his left hand.

"Hello Kat!" Pyro grinned menacingly

"Where's Gloria Gaynor?" Kat asked head spinning this way and that

Oh revenge was certainly sweet!  


End file.
